Building Bonds

Understanding your partners’ unmet needs is an important part of keeping your bond close. Sometimes we feel distant and so far away emotionally that we can’t find our way back to being close again. Sharing with your partner your unmet needs, longings and fears about your relationship is a way to build trust and be close. Sit down look at each other and say “Hey I miss you could we spend time connecting with each other again?” Or “Hey I felt hurt when you didn’t tell me you were going to be gone this weekend I was hoping for us to go on a walk together.

Assuming your partner knows that you feel distant and not close can create conflict. You can be mad at them for not hugging you when they walked in the door. You give them the planned ignoring treatment and they don’t even know they missed the mark with you. Before you know it, you are in a yelling match over burnt food, when you really are pissed that they didn’t see you when they walked in the door.

Big questions to ask in your bond. Are you there for me when I need you? Can I count on you when I am hurting? Do you see me when I am walking towards you? Can I reach you when I have a need?